Medical school is killing me.
Last weekend was the trifecta of shitastrophe. I sprained my ankle, did not do very well on my first exam (but I did pass), and quietly dealt with the passing of my grandmother. Her funeral service is today, and my mother and I agreed that it was best if I did not go. I was fortunate enough to have seen her in July before I left for school, when she was still alert. She was 95, lived long enough to see the first great-granddaughter and saw the first person in the family go off to grad school (me).
I knew, before I left, that my grandmother's health was deteriorating. I had hoped to visit her next weekend, when I went home to visit the significant other, but it didn't work out that way. I'm just glad that there was family with her, and that she simply "wanted to sleep."
My mom wanted me to focus on school, and I think my grandmother would probably feel the same, so I'm doing just that and staying here instead of flying home for the service. The measured insanity of classes, anatomy, and constant studying kept me focused. Not to mention, standing on one leg for three hours to dissect in anatomy, then getting around to all my classes in crutches, left me physically drained every day. But there are moments when it's quiet and I'm alone in my apartment at night that I start to feel sad.
For the next test, I need to work on knowledge retention. For a while, I was outlining certain notes because our lectures were all over the place (the setbacks of an integrated curriculum - or whatever it's called). I guess it's good for people who like to see the "big picture" of things. For me, it's hard to switch gears so suddenly, from learning about the uber-teeny (osteocytes, proteoglycans, etcetc) to the big (muscles), even if these topics are related.
What I tried to start doing today was to spend time reviewing subject matter from previous weeks...especially the biochem stuff, because I cannot not remember anything from last week. Now that my ankle is better, I am spending more time in anatomy to go over the musculoskeletal structures. I think if I can spend at least an hour or two in the lab daily, quizzing myself/being quizzed/quizzing others, I can spend less time on that at home and more time learning the biochem stuff.
I am tired and my brain hurts.