Medical Monday!

Am I still considered a pre-med at this point? It seems pretentious if I change everything in my profile to "med student" when I haven't matriculated yet. But my deposit was confirmed! That means something. I suppose I am still just a med-student-to-be.

Anyway! I am participating in my first Medical Monday blog hop.

This will be an exciting year. Three other friends will be transitioning into graduate school this year and two of them are also going to medical school. Another friend finally obtained a full-time job (a step up from something that was more of as-needed basis) in the video game industry. Another former classmate was also accepted into a medical school.

Bout frickin' time! It seemed like the 1987 babies were having a rough time with post-undergrad-life. It was hard to see people my age, or younger, announce their acceptances when I was still trying to make my plans come together. I had to remember that everyone moves at their own pace and to be honest, now is the right time for me.

All of the grad-school kids will be leaving California. The supply of pre-meds in California is way, way high compared to the demand. Honestly, I'm happy to go somewhere else for a change. I'll probably regret it when I finally realize that I'm spoiled by easy access to fresh fruit and vegetables year-round and the lack of snow in San Francisco. (Note to self: eat everything now).

I spent some time over the past weekend with a group of doctors that I worked with at my previous job. I stayed with my mentor for a few days, in a neighborhood that is home to several retired doctors. People in general were very happy and excited when I told them where I will be spending the next four years. Phrases like, "You'll have the time of your life!" and "You'll have so much fun in medical school - even though you won't realize it until later!" A few of my closer friends jokingly said, "I told you not to go into medicine, but you didn't listennn."

A few of them offered names and contacts of fellow physician-friends who are attendings at my school. Nothing may come of that, but it's still nice that they offered. I'll have to remember to keep in touch with people here, just in case. I long since learned that networking is an important skill to possess and maintain.

I'm lucky to have had supportive mentors and role models like that. They've been a huge help.

Interview Days - Downtime

I've been lucky in that *most* of the time, I had a pretty fun group of people to hang out with during interviews.

We talked a little bit about snowboarding:
"Oh yeah, I suck at getting off the chair lifts. I just gave up. I would fall just to get it out of the way and then crawl off to the side."

We made jokes:
"If I don't get into medical school, I'll just be a doorman."

I've always been a people-watcher so I also had the chance to get a sense of what people were like when they started opening up. The experience made me realize that I'm pretty spoiled by being in a major city in California.

There was one girl who was very, very eager to take a picture with an individual who is an ethnic minority in the U.S. because she also had a friend whose family is from that part of the world. I thought that was really rude...but that's because I grew up in a place where that kind of behavior, even thought it's not violent or intentionally harmful, is frowned upon. I also took a few humanities courses in college that focused exclusively on race/racism and how they affect communities in various ways, so I'm also more sensitive.

At one interview, there was one group that I traveled with to/from the hotel and campus. We just happened to use the same shuttle service. That group was really fun - we shared a round of drinks and food afterwards and talked about our college life and whatnot.

Interviews are interesting. After my first round, my friend asked, "So what did you think of your potential classmates?" I had never thought of interviews that way. It kind of makes sense to think that way, and it kind of doesn't. The group of 20-25 people I meet are people who are chosen by the university as potential students - we probably share numerous qualities that the university likes while retaining other qualities that are unique to ourselves. My ability to mesh with an interview group might indicate whether or not I would get along with my fellow classmates. If I didn't like anyone in my group, it might be an indication that I may not mesh very well with the class.

Then again, these 20 people do not necessarily represent the matriculating group. I also tried to keep in mind that "beggars can't be choosers."

At any rate, it was nice to have people to unwind with before and after our interviews. There were always a few unlucky individuals who had very aggressive, tough interviewers and they would commiserate while we sympathized. I think it made the day much more bearable.

Round Three...

I fell in love with school #3. I loved everything about it - from the campus, to the hospitals, to the area, to the qualities in the student body and faculty. I enjoyed being there, and would really enjoy going there. The fit is perfect for me...I only hope that my interviewers think that too and convey that to the Ad-Coms.

So I feel kind of guilty, conflicted, and very much anxious about the letter I received when I came home from my flight. I was accepted into an institution. One that I liked. One that also had a pretty happy student body and committed faculty. One that I was decidedly agreeable on attending, if given the chance...Except now I have my eyes on something else, and I feel guilty in that I'm being greedy. I spend all this time and energy thinking, "I just need to get into one, just anywhere is fine." But that's clearly not the case. I kind of wish I could be ecstatic about this, while still being hopeful about another school. I feel guilty because I'm not jumping for joy and cartwheeling down the hallway.

I'm so weird.

Round two.

You meet some interesting people at interviews. I didn't know this. That we would have opportunities to mingle and talk with people. I've started to wonder whether I would want certain people as my classmate or doctor. People say interesting things that amused or irritated me in certain ways...Usually the ones that irritated me were statements that made me think, "wait....are you joking..? Or is this how you really think?" I'll definitely pocket some of the stories for a better day. You'd think that I would be too focused on my interview to people-watch, but people-watching is easy.

My traveling group was different from my interviewing sub-group. My traveling group was just composed of the four of us who happened to use the same shuttle service, so we were transported as a group. We were dropped off at the airport at the same time, so we decided to have a meal and get a round of drinks to unwind at the airport. Best way to unwind, in my opinion.

Interview Prep

I was thinking maybe I should talk about how I am preparing for interviews 'cuz like, maybe someone wants to know. Or something.

I was also thinking about how I probably have bills due soon, but haven't even glanced at them. Sad face.

It helps to have an idea of what I need to prep for (besides knowing your own app from front to back), so I started with University of Colorado's 100 Medical School Interview Practice Questions. I don't know how frequently these questions come up, but when I first started practicing interviews, I didn't have any scheduled, so this was the only thing I had to work on. I mean, there are obvious ones like "why doctor" that everyone should probably know the answer to, just in case. Once I knew where I would be interviewing, I started looking at SDN's Interview Feedback page to figure out what questions other people received.

I collaborated with a friend who had also been through the interview process, and it helped me a lot to have his input in framing and presenting my responses. His interviews were going on in October/November, so that's kind of when I started doing my interview prep, although I admit I was kind of half-assing it at that point in time. It was good to have someone help me brainstorm, though. I know my app well, and all the things I've done in my prior experiences, but it was good to have someone remind me to tie certain examples back to medicine, so I'm not just rambling about random stories.

I'm currently meeting my friend for about 2-2.5 hours in the days preceding each interview.

I think working in non-profit really helped me in the long run. Not so much for public speaking per se, but in being comfortable talking to strangers about important things without rambling. I mingled with a lot of local legislators, business leaders and hospital-admin types. I hated mingling, but it taught me how to be a proactive listener and pretend to be enthusiastic about being at this event, even if I didn't want to.

I've also elected to write down all my responses for standard questions like "why medicine, tell me about your experiences in x,y,z, why this school, and etc." It works for me because how I write, how I speak and how I think are pretty similar, so I don't think my responses sound too canned. My problem is that I tend to ramble, and present too many details in anecdotes that are not necessary for my key points, so writing things down reminds me to keep moving things along when I talk.

I have one multiple, mini-interview style interview. Kinda nervous about it. My only hope is that, if I get a situation where I have to role-play a scenario with an actor, I don't get fed up and yell "JUST SUCK IT UP!" as I do with my students. To be fair, my students complain about really petty things like "waaaah so-and-so is breathing on me!" (to a kid 2 feet away).

Since I'm talking about interviews, I'll say that I don't claim to be an expert on the process. These steps just help me tackle the process in a way that keeps me sane and reduces the likelihood of me devolving into a panicking mess in an actual interview.

One Year Post-Op

It's crazy to think that a year has gone by since then. It was something I had wanted for a long, long time and the time had come. My family had opposed it for so long that, for a while, I was resigned to the fact that life would just be this way forever. People had asked me why I didn't just undergo surgery myself. At the time, it just didn't feel right to go through that without their blessing and support.

Work/Activities Section

Listing all my jobs/extracurriculars now, and explaining in too few words what I did and what I learned. Let's see, I learned how to fold sweaters and men's woven shirts. I learned that you can't iron non-iron shirts because it ruins the non-iron-yness, and I learned that dry cleaning is expensive after a while.

Speaking of which, I have all these professional clothes that "I'll invest in!" and I never wear them. I also was never informed that the other office slaves have to wear scrubs to work. All this time, I've been wearing jeans and a graphic t-shirts. I should invest in scrubs though. 'Cuz then I can just wear that one set ALL WEEK before I wash it. Yeah! Maybe if I get enough stains on them, people will give me more standing room on the bus ride home.

I suppose this is the homestretch of Phase 1 of the application process, the Primaries. After seven months of gentle harassment, my last letter writer finally submitted her letter of recommendation to confirm that while I sucked at organic chem, I kicked butt in her class. I am still expecting another letter but I consider it a "bonus,"  as in her particular letter isn't required by schools, so if I do not receive it at all, I won't panic. I asked all my letter writers well in advance. Maybe about nine months in advance, but I didn't actually meet with my old professors in person until late-October, after my sling was off and I could control my arm enough to drive.

My work/activities section is harder than I thought. Not all of these activities had a huge effect on me. The great thing about going to a big university is that there were a lot of volunteer opportunities at the nearby medical school. The downside is, no one gives a crap about you. It's not that I expect people to go out of their way for me or any other pre-med, and the "meaningful experiences" I get are things that I pursued with my own effort, not because someone treated me nice as a student. But there's no way around the fact that sorting hundreds and hundreds of transcription records sucks. I remember reading a few that were interesting, but I suspect that I dozed off at some point because there's a fuzzy part in my memory.

The new thing (added last year?) was the new "Most Meaningful Activity" section. We get an addition 1300-ish characters to explain why a specific activity (a maximum of 3 activities) was the most meaningful. I spent a couple of days drooling on myself in a stupor trying to write that segment on my AmeriCorps year. It's hard to sum up everything I learned in a year to 1300 characters (with spaces!!).

I don't read the Student Doctor Network forums much. Only the first 2-3 Important Info posts of each thread that talks about the application. I decided that I can be perfectly neurotic on my own without needing to swim in an ocean of other people's neuroses.

This week overall hasn't been too productive. Wednesday sucked all around, but because it sucked, I was super productive at the gym. That makes three times this week! woohoo!

Personal Statement

My work-process so far seems to consist of:

Day 1

1. Staring and thinking ~ 1 hour
2. Writing one paragraph ~30 minutes
3. Deleting
4. Writing the same paragraph with different words
5. Deleting
6. Writing a completely new paragraph
7. Deleting
8. Rage quit + sleep. 

Day 2 + 3 

1. Claw eyes out from allergy-induced dry, itchy eyes exacerbated by road construction outside
2. Repeat steps from Day 1

Day 4

1. Buying  How to Write a Winning Personal Statement (How to Write a Winning Personal Statement for Graduate and Professional School) courtesy of  http://jintus.blogspot.com

Day 5 - no recollection of Day 5

Day 6 

1. Buying Barron's Essays That Will Get You into Medical School.  The Kindle edition was $10.

I found this book to be a more informative and thorough guide, even if reading other people's essays kind of deflated my self-esteem further. I was able to finish reading it in two days (over the weekend). I only did a few of the creative writing exercises though, and went straight towards the outline. The outline helps - I can see a progression of where my thoughts are going and can use it to keep myself from going too off topic. It also helped me to establish a direction, and clearly states the themes I ought to hit to make a solid essay. This is probably my third draft ever, although the first one was written in undergrad and was terrible. This draft, when completed, will probably exceed the 5,300 character limit, which is a relief because then I can focus on cutting things out rather than scrambling to put things in.

Now, I'm trying to decide whether to mention my research internship at all in my essay. Honestly, I didn't get as much out of the experience as I should/could have at the time, and I'm kicking myself for it now. I really liked the work, because I got to do surgery, but I had a lot of trouble with the concepts. At this point, I can understand the gist from re-reading the publications for projects I participated in, but cannot explain things from memory (and yes, I have practiced). My PI was part of the Anesthesiology department and a lot of his research focused on electrophysiology and pain response. I understood the veryveryvery basics, but there were times when I would do the work, read the paper, and have no clue how the work I did translated into a result on paper. It seemed really, really specialized. I don't know why, but the biochem/cell biology papers I read for my upper division cell bio classes were easier to follow. Maybe the writing style of those authors was just more straight forward? Or the research itself was more straightforward?

At any rate, I'm not passionate about research, but I that there's a possibility that I might find a topic of study that I could be interested in. I'm debating whether I want to be forthright and put that into my PS. I've been honest about all the other themes in my essay so far, so I have no problem with the honest part, and it was still a positive learning experience. I should probably take the weekend to mull about it and work on the work/activity section of my application instead. I'm just scared that they'll zero in on it during my (hopeful) interview and then I'll poop myself. In my suit. Can you salvage Italian wool from horrible poop stains? 

Deferred

I love video games.  For the last week, post-MCAT, I've been indulging myself with a video game called Saint's Row and embracing my inner thug.  Although I am a rational adult who is capable of distinguishing between reality and games, every time I see a nice car, I really want to hijack it and drive off to my non-existent crib.  I won't though, because that's bad.  

Anyway.

This year, I turn 25.  I can rent cars at the cheaper rate!  Woohoo!!!  I think these days, it's pretty common for pre-meds to be in their mid-to-late 20s, or even older.  When I was an undergrad volunteering at the student-run clinic, only one or two of the med students I met just started medical school after earning their Bachelor's degree.  There's nothing wrong with being older, but being pre-med, or a med student or resident, or pre-anything as a slightly-older adult is tough.  It's years of deferring life, or insane debt, insane hours, a lot of studying, a really low paycheck, and a lot of sacrifice.  That isn't to say that this life/career choice is not fulfilling or devoid of fun, but it's not easy.

I see friends younger than me update their Facebook statuses about med school or pharm school or for other graduate programs and it really, really sucks.  On a bad day, I'll think "If they can get into a school, I can totally get in.  I was their boss in XYZ program, if they can do it, I can frickin' do it."  That is not a particularly productive or good way of thinking though.  I have to be very vigilant with myself to avoid defining myself in terms of what other people didn't do compared to me, but in terms of what I've done and how those choices and experiences have helped me grow.

The worst thing, though, is something probably a lot of people can identify with whether they're pre-health or working towards another career goal.  I absolutely, positively hate it when friends tell me about their latest expense.  The $250 shoe, to add to the other 16 pairs of $250 shoes, or that that $29,500 used Mini Cooper to "you know, use as a burner car while I'm in grad school until I can afford a better, new car."  Ugh.  Eating out in San Francisco can be ridiculously expensive too.  I have friends who also like to pick restaurants that cost $60 per person, not including the wine.  I'll go for birthdays and other special occasions, but it's come to the point that I've declined so many times before that they don't even ask me now.  In contrast, I can get a cheap bowl of Vietnamese noodles, a beverage, and cover tip for $10-12.  Or 20 of my favorite steamed shrimp dumplings for $5.

Even if I was working full-time, I cannot imagine spending so much money on excess things.  My $240 video game console made me cry for a long time after I paid the credit card bill;  I can't even imagine that much money two, three, or four times a month on things I do not need.  I'm also more of a bargain-hunter type.  $5 for my favorite dumplings and a belly full of happiness?!  Win!  If I DID have more disposable income though, I would use it to travel.  I think that is more meaningful and educational.  And also more memorable.  

The good thing about waiting until I'm slightly older to apply for med school is that I'm a little more level-headed now.  The financials used to really, really scare me.  I used to worry about how to pay for the application process, how to pay rent , what to do about loans once I'm done, etcetc.  I see a lot of people panicking like that too on the Student Doctor Network forums.  It helped that I worked with dentists and doctors who chose to work with low-income populations.  Knowing that, despite their debts, (which are still high, though probably not as high as they are now) they are still able to live and enjoy life is helpful.  And also, it doesn't make sense to worry about those things now.

Someday, though, I really want a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes.  I'm not sure what I would wear it to...If anything, I would be too scared to wear it outside, so it might just end up on an altar to be admired and worshiped, but dammit I want 'em!

GurgleBlarghBloopBloop

That is the sound of drowning.

But I'm alive!  My memory is demolished.  Renal system?  Huh????

I actually took the MCAT twice.  Because I'm crazy.  I did fairly well the first time, but I also came out feeling destroyed.  My timing for Physical Sciences was bad, mainly through my own failure to regulate my own pacing, and yet I did much, much better than I thought.  I was happy with my Biological Sciences, but disappointed in the Verbal Reasoning considering that my practice scores up until then were within the range I wanted.  So I took it again, with the resolve to improve my pacing in Physical Sciences and improve my Verbal score.  I came out feeling even worse than the first time.  I didn't even like my essays.  Ugh.  I'll be over here in my corner of shame, feigning indifference.

In terms of study material (for the curious), I tearfully parted with a hard-earned $1,699 for the Kaplan MCAT course during a "special sale."  I think normally they are $1,999.  The Kaplan center near my university campus also regularly donated a full MCAT-prep course to local pre-med student organizations, which students can bid on starting at $1,000.  As an undergrad though, I didn't have $1,000 to throw around like that.  I also invested in the Examkrackers study guide, because everyone told me it was awesome, and received the Audio Osmosis lectures from a friend.  In the weeks preceding my second attempt, a friend gave me access to her Princeton Review MCAT account in exchange for my Kaplan account.

I completed all of the Kaplan online material, which includes Kaplan's online tests, all the old MCAT tests provided by the American Association of Medical Colleges, the QBank questions, and their little review quizzes.  The course is about 4 months during the winter, because we took a one-month break for the Holiday season.  I think between October and January, I spent a good chunk of time re-learning all the material from undergrad and the remaining time focusing on pacing.

I think Examkrackers is great for people who just want a concise summary of key facts in the week or two leading up to the test, or for people who are trying to ease back into science after years of being in the Real World.  I can't attest to the quality of the Princeton Review instructors, but the set-up for their online system is. The.  Absolutely.  Worst.  Thing.  Ever.  Anytime you finish a quiz and want to take another quiz, you have to reload the home page and then click through 3-4 drop-down menu's again to select another quiz.  Also, there have been times when I completed a full practice test, only to find it didn't save ANY of my results.  The quality of the practice material is not as insane compared to Kaplan, but still challenging.  Overall I am definitely glad I went with Kaplan.

I'm easing back into blogging now, and also trying to gear up to re-write my personal statement for the application this June.  I feel like I didn't leave myself enough time, and yet I was oh-so-determined to retake the test.  As a reward to myself, I splurged on an Xbox.  Unfortunately, having that around the house means I haven't been drawing like I said I would.

And now, a picture of an emu from Sunday's wine-tasting excursion:

Where Did My Week Go?

Somehow I thought having class Monday/Tuesday instead of Tuesday/Thursday due to the Kaplan instructor's scheduling conflict would leave me with a whole week to do stuff/live a life/AND get ahead in homework.

I didn't get very far.

On Tuesday I finalized all my plans to meet with my former professors to discuss the possibility of writing me letters of recommendation.  I don't know why, but it was stressing me out waiting for them to e-mail me back.  I just really wanted to fit everything into one day without having to a) take a day off work and b) drive three hours and c) pay $10 in bridge toll fees just to meet with ONE professor.  I would do it, but it would suck, especially the toll fees.  I'll be meeting with my biochem and embryology professor on Tuesday followed by lunch with my former research PI; on Thursday I will meet with my old Asian American Studies professor a little closer to home while her daughter is in choir class (lol).  I'm looking forward to lunch with my old boss.  Cool bosses are hard to come by and he's freakin' hilarious in a way that only someone with a really dry sense of humor can appreciate.

I guess it worked out okay.  At least I have a car, but I will be cutting it close on Thursday.

Since I was meeting with my professors on Tuesday, I rushed to write a draft of my personal statement.
It came out okay.  I have been thinking about what to say, so in this case it was a matter of putting that down coherently on paper.  Now, when anyone asks, I can honestly say I worked on my personal statement.  Woohoo!  

One of the Board members from my old job finished her letter of recommendation.  She almost had the staff mail it to me AFTER I had explained in writing that it needs to be sent to Interfolio.

Thank goodness someone asked me to make sure.  I would be scared if it actually came into my hands, since I signed that confidentiality waiver and all and totally paranoid that the admissions committees will go all CSI on the envelope and ban me forever (And yes, I know that's overly dramatic).      

And now, for the Nom of the Week:

Super Duper Burger!  Off the restaurant's Yelp page

Yikes

I took the abbreviated MCAT diagnostic test today for my prep course.  Ouch.  Even my verbal score wasn't as high as I had hoped.  After being out of school for some time, my brain is pretty rusty.  I've been reading my biology prep book but I haven't touched upon the physics and general chemistry sections because I hated them in undergrad with a passion.  Also, at this point my analytic skills are terrible.

I am worried about the physics part of the test though.  I did fine in the undergrad classes, but I was also forewarned by several physics tutors during undergrad that the regular not-for-physics-students physics program at school had a crappy way of teaching physics for students that planned to take the MCAT.  Three hours of lecture each week seemed really inadequate to learn.  We spent 6-8 hours in lab each week, but many of the TAs openly admitted that they were so far into their own graduate work that the grossly oversimplified undergrad physics stuff seemed foreign.  It was very reassuring (not).  And sometimes, some people just aren't very good at teaching.

Despite that, I had a blast in one of the three physics classes I took.  Mainly because the TA brought her rescue tripod chocolate Labrador to class and everyone got to play with a happy dog that hopped around on three feet.  "What? I can play with the dog if we finish our work early? Hell yeah!"  She was a good teacher too.  Circuits is probably the only thing I remember out of a whole year of physics.

The TA for the following quarter wasn't so great.  One day a girl broke down sobbing, "Why are you so mean to us?!"  Lab was really awkward after that incident.

And that is what I remember from physics =D

Productive

I finally forced myself to study for the MCATs.  I have classes in October, so right now I am reviewing my Examkrackers books.  I really like this book.  It has good (colored!!) illustrations and me what concepts I should understand and what is not quite important enough to memorize.

I also have Audio Osmosis, which accompanies each book chapter.  I've heard the guys that voice the lecture are funny in a nerdy way.



My shoulder has been feeling less stiff and sore today...which is partly the reason why I made myself study.  The only exception is on occasion, I will move or turn and the motion will pull on something in my shoulder, which makes me twitch.  It doesn't really hurt, but it isn't pleasant either.

Cha-Ching Cha-Ching

Lately I have been quite worried about money, a must-have when it comes to applying to medical school.  Generally speaking, applying to more schools will increases chances are of getting accepted into one or more programs.  I'm starting to think that the money I have carefully saved up for the application process won't be enough to get me through the application process for the number of schools I plan to apply to, let alone fund airplane tickets for any potential interviews.  That, coupled with the hospital co-pay and a new set of car tires, means that I need a part-time job so I can save money, pay bills, and have enough time for MCAT studying.  Also, as a boomerang baby* I usually hand the rest of my paycheck (after bills) to the parental units to help out.

I always feel pressured to find a volunteer or part-time job that is health-related for my medical school applications.  When I moved back home, a friend suggested applying to be a volunteer research assistant but I hated the fact that I had to apply to these "positions" as a data-entry monkey with a resume and references.  I honestly (and hopefully without coming across as conceited) think my time, labor and skills are worth more than that.  And they don't help me pay for my med school applications or bills.  When it comes down to my applications or interviews, I would rather have to explain that I worked at XYZ because I needed to support my own career goals than to volunteer for a position that may or may not be fulfilling to me.

I have agreed to return to the middle school after school program where I used to work before my AmeriCorps assignment.  The pay is pretty good, considering its 15 hours per week and I get to bully play with kids.  I was ambivalent about the after school job - while I liked working with the 6th graders** and my fellow staff members, the 8th graders then were punks.  But when I went back to visit this year, the kids I worked with and liked still remembered me and that made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I was also offered an interview next Monday for a P/T bilingual receptionist position at a physical therapy clinic.  I'm looking forward to the interview, and would like to scope out the hours and my chances of getting the job.  I was surprised that I was even contacted, because the craigslist post was a few weeks old.  If I get it, it would solve my need to work for money and I would be working within the health field, but I think I would only be able to work at one job, otherwise I would be sacrificing time and energy for MCAT-studying.  I would feel bad to withdraw from the tutoring job after already I already made a commitment, but I'll worry about that if or when I have to.

*Someone who went away for college, then moved back home with parents because the job market sucks.
**My favorite was a kid named "El" who reminded me of a cute chipmunk, but she grew and now she's taller than me, so now she reminds me of a Meerkat.  

Progress

Somehow, I wasted the last 4-5 days fussing with my computer.  I finally realized that the PC Tools Antivirus Software was making my laptop really buggy, and the latest upgrade made me think my laptop was heading towards a dramatic and violent death.  In the process of figuring out what the heck was going on, I cleaned out my hard drive, backed up data that can't easily be reinstalled, did a full defrag and clean with CCleaner, got rid of PC Tools and installed avast! instead.  Problem fixed, woohoo!!  I really hope this laptop can make it to the 5 year mark...that would save me a lot of money.

I've also been spending a lot of time on e-mails.  So far, I've gotten two of my academic science professors (Biochem and Embryology), one Humanities professor and my old P.I. to write me letters of rec for the AMCAS.  I've kept in touch with my old P.I. and Humanities professor so I feel rather comfortable asking them to write/update old letters.  I am not so thrilled asking my science professors for a letter.  I'll be meeting with them sometime in October (once I'm recovered from surgery and able to drive).  Honestly, I can't expect much of their letters except to say that, based on my good grades, I would do well in medical school (whether that is true, remains to be seen =P).  My Embryology class was considered small for my institution, but it still had 150 students and I never went to office hours.  In all four years, there was only one class where office hours actually helped me learn (Physics). 

I will be getting letters from my former AmeriCorps supervisor and other staff members from the non-profit org, which I definitely think are stronger and will back up my own personal goals for going to med school. 
Over the next few days I'll be putting together a more concise report of what I've done the last several years to show each letter-writer.

I'm also hoping to find a part-time job...one that will hopefully start not long after I'm out of the sling.  I don't think I can study for the MCAT all day every day without going crazy, and while volunteer stuff may look better in applications depending on who I ask, they don't pay bills (or let me buy snacks for MCAT studying) =/

Condescending

Recently, I came across this paragraph when reading an MCAT Update from my school's pre-health listserv:

"We have recently been seeing a large number of composite MCAT scores for...students/alumni in the mid-20s and below, which means they are probably taking the MCAT prematurely. Not only is this a problem for those applicants, but it also reflects negatively on [campus] applicants in general because medical schools often use mean institutional MCAT scores to determine how competitive an undergraduate school is. So study hard, use the practice exams to monitor your progress—and only take the MCAT when you are ready. You can do it!"

While I agree that people shouldn't take the MCAT prematurely, I found this e-mail incredibly condescending - using concern for the students to mask the message of "don't screw up this institution's reputation." I wish the listserv coordinator left it at "This reflects negatively on those applicants." I don't think stressed out pre-meds should be worrying about damaging their institution's reputation on top of the already nerve-wracking process of applying.

The same person in charge of this listserv also said to a friend, "I don't think you will get into pharmacy school, maybe you should look at something else." Regardless of his PCAT scores/GPA, I don't think students should be openly discouraged from pursuing a dream, even if the odds are not in their favor. Failures can become positive learning experiences, but no one can grow if the only trait that is being nurtured is low self-esteem because some aspect isn't "good enough."

Those Darn Letters of Rec

My AmeriCorps contract has finally terminated and I am spending my first few weeks of unemployment on a mini-vacation that I saved up my preciously scant AmeriCorps money to enjoy: visiting friends in New Mexico.  We've been hiding from the southwest heat playing video games in between their jobs and cooking meals together.  

Now, I have to focus on the dreaded process of stalking asking professors for letters of recommendation for my applications.  It's a very nerve-wracking process - there is always that general fear of rejection.  I dislike requesting letters via e-mail since feels impersonal, but I don't have the option of being on campus.  Even as an undergrad, it was hard to catch a professor outside of office hours without a hoard of eager undergrads.  I also never felt like I stood out as a great student that deserved a great letter of rec - I wasn't the Smart Student who asked well-thought questions, but I was never the Annoying Student who asked random questions.  My "small" classes were almost always packed with 60+ more eager pre-meds.

In the process, I learned (the hard way) not to ask professors who never respond to student e-mails.  Although I prefer meeting with professors face-to-face, I also need someone who can respond to an e-mail even if it takes 3-4 weeks.  Since I won't be applying until next June, I can afford to wait 3-4 weeks for an e-mail.

I have one more professor to ask for a letter and hopefully that will be the last one to ask.  I'm excited that my Developmental Bio/Embryology professor agreed to write a letter for me since I LOVED the class.  Although, all I remember from that class is "ectoderm," "endoderm" and using my AWESOME Staedtler Triplus Fineliner Pens to re-draw/write all my notes from class.  The lab was fun too...I like being able to physically see most of what I was studying with a plain old light microscope, as opposed to globs of fluorescent markers. 

For now, I'll focus on compiling my unofficial transcripts and CVs for my current letter-writers and hope for the best on the last one.  Maybe I'll take a walk today and try to watch the sunset too.  Southwest sunsets are pretty, especially when there are a few clouds in the sky.

Uncertainty

Lately, a lot of people have been asking me which medical schools I plan to apply to next year.  I work with a lot of nurses, dentists, dental assistants and doctors so they are pretty familiar with the options in California.

That question generates a lot of anxiety for me, which is partly why I have been putting off doing research.  A lot of pre-meds I've met in the past have always had a dream school that they can declare with certainty, "I want to go THERE!"  I haven't really read up on schools, or cared enough from things I've heard, to have a strong desire to go to a particular institution.  I can say where I would like to live while I attend school, which is important, but I shouldn't pick schools purely based on location.

I'm planning to apply to about 12-15 schools because it seems like a reasonable number and was a number that was generally recommended by pre-med counselors.  I was also informed, a loooong time ago, that I should apply to "safety schools," "reasonable schools" and "reach schools."  That also seems reasonable to me...I should apply to schools that I feel slightly more confident about getting into, schools where my chances may or may not go well, and schools that seem - on paper - far beyond my reach but maybe, just maybe I can hope. 

It's a daunting task.  How high do I reach without asking for the impossible? What would be "safe" for me without "settling"? Is this "reasonable school" actually a "reach school" for my abilities?  And sometimes, on a really bad day, I wonder, "Do I even want to do this?!"

I think there will always be uncertainty and self-doubt, and the only way to get around it (according to the Nike slogan) is to JUST DO IT.  And who knows, maybe I'll look back at myself one day and think my internal debate was downright silly.

Being Proper and Whatnot

I will always appreciate that the health professionals I have met have been willing to go out of their way to talk to me and show me something amazing to remind me why I am working so hard.  Although I can't say for sure, I don't think they always had the same access to shadow doctors and observe surgeries as students do now, and even then not many students are able or fortunate enough to find those resources. 

So it's important to me to show gratitude to the O.R. staff, RN and MD alike, because in the future I'll be working with people like them a lot and it's good to enforce good habits that can make an otherwise stressful work environment more bearable for a future doc-in-training. 

Why Yesterday Was Awesome

Soooo I have to admit, I have been pretty lazy when it comes to posting regularly, and then I literally became too busy/too exhausted after "work" to really want to do much more than catch up on my favorite blogs at night.  But Dr. J has been at me to write down my experiences and thoughts because I'll probably need to remember what I did, why and how when it comes to medical school interviews.  

So, this is why my day yesterday was AWESOME. 

Picture courtesy of Wikipedia

I finally worked up the courage to ask Dr J if I could shadow her during one of her shifts at the hospital.  After a number of phone calls, everything was set up.  


I got to see some pretty ridonkulously crayzee awesome stuff...I watched an OBGYN doctor remove a lesion from a female patient and then remove an ectopic pregnancy from another patient.  Then I watched a super cool but uber high-tech cardiac electrophysiology surgery to treat a patient with atrial fibrillation.  


The highlight of my day was watching a friendly and talkative cardiovascular surgeon perform a coronary artery bypass graft from behind the anesthesiologist's curtain.  Getting to watch a highly-invasive open-heart surgery is such an incredible and rare sight to see up-close, even for those within the medical profession.  Many surgeons do not want an unnecessary distraction.  And even if observers are allowed to come in and watch, they are often pushed up against the farthest reaches of the room and largely ignored.  But this experience was different:  the surgeon was nice enough to invite me to the fore-front, behind the safety of the anesthesiologist's curtain, to watch him suture each graft to the heart.  And because 5'1 people can't see much, they even gave me a freakin' stool.  A STOOL TO STAND ON!! SWOON.  The surgeon, the assisting surgeon, and the anesthesiologist were ridiculously friendly.  They went out of their way to give me an up-close view and took time and effort to tell me about their life's work, even though I didn't want to interrupt and ask questions.  It was very intimidating to walk into a huge O.R. filled with four busy doctors, three nurses and a huge cardiopulmonary bypass machine with a LOT of blood.  Looking back, I wish I could have gone back in during the second surgery to stare at the bypass machine more.  Watching the heart slowly start beating again is a priceless and beautiful experience that made me giddy and lightheaded with excitement.  


I am very fortunate to have had the opportunity to see so many different types of procedures and to be treated with respect and consideration as if they were mentoring me.  All of the nurses and surgeons I talked to were very friendly, accommodating to my unspoken curiosity and willing to teach me something.  I suspect I picked the right day to drop by the O.R: lots of relatively simple out-patient cases.


The recent Mommy Wars debates have made me think how fortunate I am to never have met a doctor like Dr. Sibert, even though I would never have asked her, "Is Anesthesiology a good field for women?"  A relatively young cardiac electrophysiology surgeon I talked to yesterday told me that for many young students, picking a career or a medical specialty is very much a leap of faith or a crap shoot that is based on one's impression of people he or she interacted with over a short interval of time.  Unfortunately, this means that someone might have rejected the perfect medical specialty because he/she thought the resident or attending physician was a jerk.  Luckily, I met many very fun and friendly anesthesiologists before reading Dr. Sibert's article...The moral for me is to keep my mind open at all times towards opportunity, regardless of who I come to respect or dislike in the future.  


I hope that as I move on and up, I get to meet good doctors who care about their patients and their students, and that they keep in mind that small acts of kindness to wide-eyed pre-meds and med students can go a long way in ways they cannot even imagine.