October

October has been a rough month.  Thank you for the words of support regarding my grandma's passing.

I had a lot on my plate in October, and it didn't help that I was struggling to maintain my self-esteem as a student.  I am wondering if maybe I just need more time to adjust to studying again.  I've been out of school for four years, and maybe I am no longer used to memorizing information as quickly because I am out of practice.  I was very depressed because I only barely passed our first exam, and the only reason I did better during the second exam was because my cadaver lab practical exam score boosted up my total test score significantly.  I really liked dissection though.  I thought it was interesting to see all this variation in different bodies, and even though dissection takes out 3-4 hours of my day, once I find something, I will know it forever.  

I think my physical exam workshop instructor picked up on the fact that I was kind of mopey and offered his time to talk about M1 year and to talk about his current M3/M4 students.  I think I'll take him up on that offer, just to gain some perspective from someone who's been through that experience and now works with students.  

Some things I need to work on: improving my life balance.  I'm fixing my sleep schedule now.  I also need to get off my butt and get back to running, buy a gym membership, or do exercise videos at home.  I may just settle for doing Insanity at home until the rain lets up, then try jogging again before it snows.  I want to buy a gym membership but I'm reluctant to enroll because I'm trying to be frugal.  I'm finding it hard to read ahead of class.  If I'm lucky, I finish one set of reading before one of my classes, but I've never pre-read for all of the next day's classes.  

There have been moments when things are good.  One of my classmates realized that we've been very isolated this past month due to our study habits and went out for hot cocoa one night.  We had our lab practical and multiple choice test on the same day, and I didn't feel like cramming last-minute information into my brain (although I probably should have).  Instead, I made pumpkin pancakes (from a box mix, but still good).  It's hard to make pancakes and eggs on a stainless steel skillet without burning it...but I did it.  I forgot to buy maple syrup, but I had fancy honey and it was just as good, maybe even better than maple syrup.  

Also, it's my first time being in the midwest, so I got to experience a real autumn.

Now all the trees are naked and I track leaves indoors every time I come home.

Medical Monday!

Medical school is killing me.

Last weekend was the trifecta of shitastrophe.  I sprained my ankle, did not do very well on my first exam (but I did pass), and quietly dealt with the passing of my grandmother.  Her funeral service is today, and my mother and I agreed that it was best if I did not go.  I was fortunate enough to have seen her in July before I left for school, when she was still alert.  She was 95, lived long enough to see the first great-granddaughter and saw the first person in the family go off to grad school (me).

I knew, before I left, that my grandmother's health was deteriorating.  I had hoped to visit her next weekend, when I went home to visit the significant other, but it didn't work out that way.  I'm just glad that there was family with her, and that she simply "wanted to sleep."

My mom wanted me to focus on school, and I think my grandmother would probably feel the same, so I'm doing just that and staying here instead of flying home for the service.  The measured insanity of classes, anatomy, and constant studying kept me focused.  Not to mention, standing on one leg for three hours to dissect in anatomy, then getting around to all my classes in crutches, left me physically drained every day.  But there are moments when it's quiet and I'm alone in my apartment at night that I start to feel sad.

For the next test, I need to work on knowledge retention.  For a while, I was outlining certain notes because our lectures were all over the place (the setbacks of an integrated curriculum - or whatever it's called).  I guess it's good for people who like to see the "big picture" of things.  For me, it's hard to switch gears so suddenly, from learning about the uber-teeny (osteocytes, proteoglycans, etcetc) to the big (muscles), even if these topics are related.

What I tried to start doing today was to spend time reviewing subject matter from previous weeks...especially the biochem stuff, because I cannot not remember anything from last week.  Now that my ankle is better, I am spending more time in anatomy to go over the musculoskeletal structures.  I think if I can spend at least an hour or two in the lab daily, quizzing myself/being quizzed/quizzing others, I can spend less time on that at home and more time learning the biochem stuff.

I am tired and my brain hurts.

First Exam

First exam has come and gone.  

It's definitely a problem when you don't recognize terms in the question stem....or when you flag half the questions as "things you'll go back to later."  

The only reassuring thing was that 98% of the people n my room stayed until the final half hour of the exam, which means everyone else was just as clueless as me. Hooraaaay.  

We are now diving into musculoskeletal system.  I'm debating different things I could try to improve my study habits and retention.  Flashcards are definitely a must now.  Quizzing is definitely helpful, but I found that among my group of friends, I can only REALLY study with a handful.  Some people are way too chatty.  Group studies (for me at least) only work if everyone agrees to study in silence or to quiz each other on a pre-determined topic.  

I tried outlining...to give myself a better idea of "the big picture" of things and to help reorganize things in a way that is more sequential to me.  I've found that it's incredibly time consuming and is only effective if the lecture notes/course guide completely sucks (like when sentences and paragraphs are used to describe nucleotide synthesis pathways instead of diagrams).  

I might continue making outline-diagrams for Anatomy though, because if I draw something, I will definitely remember it. 

Interview season is gearing up for the pre-med hopefuls.  We're going to start seeing a lot of black-suited younglings walking around.